


5 Birthdays Dean Had Without His Angel, and the One With

by LinaRai



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Fix-It, Fluff, Homophobic Language, It just kind of happened, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, Past Lee Webb/Dean Winchester, Podfic Available, Pre-Series Dean Winchester, honestly this was not meant to be this angsty i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaRai/pseuds/LinaRai
Summary: Six different January 24ths, and how Dean celebrated.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 191





	5 Birthdays Dean Had Without His Angel, and the One With

_ 24th January, 1984 _

Dean Winchester spends his first birthday without his mother in the Impala, his brother held tight in his arms and his dad driving furiously in the front seat. He watches as snowflakes zoom past the window, the car lurching as John turns abruptly on the ice.

It takes an hour for him to work up the courage to ask, "Can we get some cake at the next gas station?"

"What for?" His dad grunts in return.

He clutches Sammy tighter -  _ take care of your brother now, Dean  _ \- and just shakes his head. He fingers squeeze around the edge of the seat and he prays that they don't crash.

He promises, in a hushed whisper that can't be heard over the rumble of the engine, that he will never forget Sammy's birthday.

Dean doesn't dare to ask his dad again.

_ 24th January, 1996 _

It's Dean's 17th birthday and his dad is finally treating him like an adult.  _ 'Your first solo case,'  _ he told him, handing over the file. Dean was one year away from adulthood, one year away from finally being a man, and he is determined to make his dad proud.

Of course, when he gets there, when he realises exactly  _ why  _ his dad sent him on this particular salt and burn… well, he's no longer quite so sure.

_ What gave it away?  _ he wonders as he loads his borrowed shotgun with salt rounds. Lee and him had always been so careful - it was no secret that John Winchester wasn't exactly  _ supportive  _ on that front - so how had he found out? 

Dean had no doubt he had, though, as he dropped the matches into the grave and the nuns screamed as they went up in flames. Even in death, even as they went to whatever happened to vengeful spirits, their hands were still entwined.

Dean's heart aches as he fills the unmarked grave back in. His father's message is received loud and clear, and one he repeats at the mere mention of something not quite straight:  _ queers should burn in Hell. _

Dean sends off a quick prayer to a God he no longer believes in - the nuns deserved better than this and he hopes that they have gone someplace better, where they can be together - and he walks back to the Impala, shoulders shaking from tears, knowing that he can never look his dad in the eyes again.

_ 24th January, 2004 _

He knows it's stupid, but Dean can't help but check his phone every five seconds. He knows they aren't on the best of terms and they haven't seen each other in a while, but still, he waits.

"Waiting for someone?" a sultry voice whispers in his ear, and Dean looks up to see a half-drunk woman leaning over his shoulder.

He should say no. It's his birthday, he came out to the bar to have fun, and this girl (even if she is currently having some issues standing up straight) looks like she'll give him a good time, alright. She winks and grins at him, but all he can see is a bearing of teeth.

"Sorry, sweetheart, I'm waiting for a call." It isn't a complete lie.

She shrugs and wobbles away, calling, "Your loss, handsome," over her shoulder.

Dean sighs, taking another swig of his beer and checking his phone one more time.

**1 New Message.**

He's holding it to his ear and listening before he even bothers checking the number, grinning to himself. He  _ knew  _ Sammy wouldn't forget his birthday.

"Hey, Dean," his father's voice says, and his heart sinks. "I've got my hands tied with this case up in Michigan, think you can take this one down in Arizona? I'm texting you the details."

Of course John doesn't remember that it's his own son's birthday. Of course he was just calling to send him on a case.

Well, it's not like he has anything better to do. Sliding enough to cover the pitiful three beers he had managed to drink onto the bar, he gets up and walks out. It won't be the first birthday he spent driving.

_ 24th January, 2008 _

"Surprise," Sam says, waving his hands with a little flourish that Dean can't help but snort at.

"What's this?" he replies, waving his hand at the pile of messily wrapped presents on the motel room table.

"It's your birthday," Sam replies like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Dean raises his eyebrows. "Dude, I've not had a proper birthday since I was three."

"Exactly! Ooh, wait a minute." Sam runs to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and calling out, "Don't move! Just one sec…"

Sam reappears a minute later holding a fireball. Or, on closer inspection, a cupcake with more candles than should probably be on a single cupcake.

"Twenty-nine candles," Sam confirms, holding the cake out to him. "Now please blow them out before I burn my hand."

Ruined cupcake or not, it's probably the nicest birthday Dean can remember. Yeah, sure, the presents are from the gas station and the motel vending machine. Most people would probably think it was sad, but Dean doesn't care. Sam lets him watch  _ Jeopardy _ ! on full volume and doesn't make fun of him, and the chocolate he got is only slightly melted.

"What did you wish for?" Sam asks as they get ready for bed.

"Nuh uh, Sammy, you know that's not how it works. If I tell you, it won't come true."

They both pretend that they don't know what Dean wished for. They both pretend that they don't know why Sam put in the extra effort. They both pretend, for one evening, that Dean's not a dying man.

_ Twenty-nine,  _ Dean thinks to himself as he lays alone in the dark.  _ I knew I'd never make it to thirty. _

_ 24th January, 2012 _

Dean's halfway through his usual spiel -  _ where's the angel!  _ \- when he stops dead, the knife still pressed hard against the vampire's throat.

"You okay, chief?" Benny asks, sensing his hesitation.

Dean swings violently, not bothering to wait for a response before killing the creature, watching its head roll away into the woods.

"It's my birthday," he states simply.

Benny raises his eyebrows. Clearly, that wasn't the response he was expecting. "Well, happy birthday then, brother."

Somehow, this isn't the worst birthday Dean's ever had. And technically, he's dead.

Later, while Benny rests and Dean keeps an eye out, he shuts his eyes, just for a moment. 

_ Cas,  _ he thinks.  _ Castiel, I hope you can hear me. It's my birthday today. I mean, I think so, anyway… time is weird here. Do angels celebrate birthdays? I'm not sure how you'd fit that many candles on a cake, so maybe not. _

He sits up, readjusting himself. He's waffling, as usual.  _ You probably don't care, anyway. You left me alone, didn't you? You probably don't give a shit. Just… _ Dean sighs. He sounds like a lovesick teenager or something.  _ I'm not leaving here without you, buddy, so even if you're mad at me or whatever, just find me, okay? It can be my birthday present from you. _

He cracks one eye open, knowing he's insane for thinking Cas will just appear in front of him like magic. The angel clearly doesn't care about him, but that doesn't mean Dean's leaving here without him.

_ Goodnight, Cas. _

Dean doesn't hear it, but a few miles away, a familiar voice whispers, "Happy birthday, Dean. Sleep well."

_ 24th January, 2021 _

Dean's awake in an instant, his hand already sliding under his pillow for his gun at the sound of an intruder in his room.

"I  _ told  _ Jack you were an angry sleeper," a deep voice says, and Dean is certain he is dreaming. 

Stood in front of him is Cas - beautiful, loving,  _ dead  _ Cas - wearing his usual trench coat and suit, with the addition of a blue bow on his head.

"Cas?" Dean asks, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "Are you real?"

The angel's face crumples a little at Dean's hurt tone. "Yes," he whispers. "Jack sent a card, by the way."

_ A card?  _ Dean is confused for a second before he remembers what day it is. 

"How are you here?" he asks, not sure how he is processing all this before he's consumed an unhealthy amount of caffeine.

"Jack brought me back."

Dean smiles, shutting his eyes for a moment. _ Thanks, kid. _

"C'mere," he grunts, grabbing the angel and yanking him towards the bed. "It's too early."

"Dean?" Cas asks, sounding unsure.

"What, you against cuddles or something?" 

Cas just looks at him, his eyes wide.

"What, you really so stupid you thought this was something you could never have?" Dean teases, pulling him closer. "Like I haven't been pining for your dumb ass for years?"

"Really?" 

"Yes, Jesus. Now either get in or pester Sam into making us breakfast. And you better still be here when I wake up."

Cas relaxes, allowing Dean to snuggle into his back. "I promise," he whispers into the pillow, and Dean knows this is already the best birthday of them all.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone so I apologise if there are any mistakes! I couldn't let Dean's birthday go by without doing anything.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [5 Birthdays Dean Had Without His Angel, and the One With [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29429913) by [LinaRai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaRai/pseuds/LinaRai)




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